Privilege has been on my mind lately.

So much so that I’m publishing two posts this week, a rarity for slow-blogger me! (If you’ve not read my previous post – The role of privilege in personal finance – do read it, you’ll get some perspective on this post.)

Recently, I was moaning to a friend about the fact that I am worried that I may not have enough for retirement. Sheu Quen and I often talk about finances, and she’s aware that I’ve paid off my house loan and have a good-sized emergency fund. She has always assured me that I’ll be okay as I’m in a good financial position. (I don’t believe her, as you can see.)

One day, exasperated, she told me if I moaned about my money worries one more time, she’ll come over to my apartment and hit me with an umbrella.

Our conversation was so illuminating, that I asked for her permission to repost it here. What does it feel like to listen to a personal finance blogger who is so deeply immersed in the PF sphere that she forgets what it’s like not being in it? (Meaning: Being out of touch with how other people live!)

Here’s our conversation:

Liz: I was talking with some Personal Finance (PF) folks about how we don’t realise our privilege and forget that people are not in the same space we are. For example, some PF bloggers keep boasting that they made US$200k in 2020 or “it’s possible for everyone”. And then another PF person mentioned how all this is making us anxious and FOMO. I keep comparing myself to these people – like, there’s lots of anxiety in this sphere.

Sheu Quen: Damn. You guys are elitists.

Liz: Kan? (Lol)

Sheu Quen: The majority of people are nowhere in your league.

Liz: Yes and we don’t realise how out of touch we can sound.

Sheu Quen: Only the few of you who have amazing discipline to save for the future, yes. But the rest who struggle to make ends meet, no.

Liz: Because we keep comparing ourselves to those above us.

Sheu Quen: Exactly. That’s what I keep telling you. On average, many Malaysians don’t save. Either don’t know or just don’t. My husband survives paycheck to paycheck. Occasionally money from me. And it’s not for the lack of discipline. If I have another person telling me about savings the way you do it, I’m going to unfriend them lol.

Liz: It’s about salary, opportunities.

Sheu Quen: Yes. Why? Because you and those who could save had the opportunity/chance to save. Yet here you are, complaining about not being sure if you have the luxury of retiring early because you may not have enough to live by. Hello, you are talking to someone (me) who didn’t get that chance.

Even if I did, I may have made some not so great decisions. but there is a large majority out there who may not even know how to go about saving for the future. but can they? What if they had kids? What if they were not born rich and had to “slave” their way towards being able to just live (and have enough to spend for themselves after every deduction? There are a lot more reasons I can give you but the one thing that riled me up a bit (and I’ll be honest here with you) was how you HAD it yet here … long story short, if one more person tells me they are afraid they won’t have enough savings when they have RM50k or RM100k sitting in their bank account, I will commit a crime to STEAL their money.

You noticed the poor or destitute or strugglers never complain? We either learn to live within our means or accept the fact that we’ll never have savings. Not saying that you live lavishly la. heck, u plant your own veg! It’s the kind of salaries we have. we’re not all so lucky to be paid RM10k or close to RM10k a month.

Liz: You know it’s funny because everything you said here is what i feel about some folks in the PF community lol. All those people saying they made 200k this year and so can I.

Sheu Quen: I’m just your everyday friend trying to survive day to day. People always talk about discipline. i don’t think its that straightforwardlah. its the kind of lives people have, the money they earn, the debts they owe… etc After you minus everything, what else have you got? To save? To spend on yourself and make it worth your while working your ass off?

Liz: To be honest, I genuinely have no idea whether I have enough because, okay, long story short – there’s this calculation that helps you calculate that you have enough. The ones available are geared towards the US market, and the last time I went to EPF they say i will have enough only if i reach RM1mil. and I was like, fark, like this who can retire? Nope. a bit of luck has got to do with it too. and I’m being honest.

Sheu Quen: Exactly. some people have it easy.

Liz: I spent most of my career only earning up to RM4k. but what helped was I had supportive family, I never had that bad fortune of getting my job interrupted. (Edit: Well, except in 2020, but even then I still managed to keep some income coming in.)

Sheu Quen: I have my awestruck moments as well. But I can’t. If I saved every penny/cent, then I work for what? Don’t treat myself? I’ll feel depressed!!

Liz: Yeah. I think this needs to be discussed especially in PF Malaysia where everyone is OBSESSED WITH MAKING MOAR. not everyone can. not everyone has the luck/strength/opportunity.

Sheu Quen: Yes, not everyone can. If we wanted to, we can, but as I said, when you’ve paid your bills, deducted for taxes and debt, you’re left with a measly RM300-RM 400, at most RM500 if you’re lucky. Then? Save that amount? Can. But you don’t treat yourself for the hard work you put in for a job you don’t really like? haha sounds depressing.

Liz: Yes, this.

Sheu Quen: Wow. I work so hard to put aside money for my old age when I’m too decrepit to enjoy the finer things in life. That’s the problem! You either suffer from depression because you squirelled away all your money or you treat yourself now and save very little but grow old and not a millionaire next time.

Learning to be content in our financial journey

This is what I learned from my conversation with my friend:

1. We need to be grateful for what we have.
2. We need to enjoy our money more today instead of penny pinching to a point where life becomes unenjoyable.
3. We need to be present in our financial journeys, rather than look at the distant horizon being upset that we’re not there yet.

As I navigate the personal finance world, where the Malaysian media target their content towards those earning five figures, and the American PF talk about early retirement in “low cost” countries, it’s really easy to lose perspective and to be discouraged about our own individual journeys.

We are all at different stages of the financial journey. We all have different advantages. Stop comparing our journeys to another person’s. Le’t’s celebrate how far we’ve come and aim to enjoy our journey towards financial independence at our pace, not anyone else’s.

Have a great weekend, guys!