The other day, I was watching a lecture by the former Singaporean foreign minister George Yeo when waiting for dinner to start at my parents’ home. He was talking about Europe’s position in a world where China is ascending.

My Mum sat next to me, and as she watched, she frowned.

“Why are you watching this? Interesting meh?”

“It’s my current obsession.”

“I thought last time you were crazy about gardening. Now you want to know about China politics? Don’t you think there are better things to think about?” she tuts.

We both shrugged and I continued to watch George Yeo debunk the commonly held beliefs Europeans had about China while my mum complained about how boring the lecture was.

I get obsessed about topics, and there’s no common thread to my topical obsessions. At one point I was obsessed with jewellery making. Then I quickly got bored and moved on to plagues and vaccines. And then it was the Indie Web.

You get the idea. I find many things interesting and this unique trait has helped me greatly in my career, even the one beyond journalism.

But none of my topical obsessions would get me in trouble or paint me in a bad light like my obsession with China.

Or rather, my obsession with the current Western narrative of China and how it is so different from my South-East Asian one.

I am aware that if I write about this, especially on Western-dominated media or platforms (which is, I realised, almost everything), I’ll probably be flamed, viewed with disdain and scorn, lose friends or have my real life impacted in some way. I mean, it’s not “probably” but more like “guaranteed”, based on my experience on Mastodon.

And that’s pretty disturbing—realising that many people will misunderstand and dislike me automatically just because I hold a different view of a topic they feel passionately about.

They don’t understand China

But my problem is that while they feel passionately about China, many don’t know China.

Their lack of understanding and virulent refusal to fix that disturb me greatly. The fact that so many are unaware that they’re being driven to accept and endorse yet another American war despite repeated incidences in the past, is exasperating. But most of all, having to grit my teeth as I endure, at the risk of sounding dramatic, racist microaggressions and condescension from what I thought were level-headed people is stressful.

Mind you, if war does spark between China and America, South-East Asia will be the battleground. I picture war ravaging this region while armchair Americans, safe in their continent thousands of miles away in their suburbs, lecture us about human rights. Pah!

So yes, each anti-China post makes me afraid, because America’s people are so ignorant about the consequences of their “moral high ground”.

The desperate search for nuance

In a drive to understand what the hell was happening, I read more about this topic.

After a while, I decided that Western publications and thought leaders were just hopeless sources of information about China. They often speak without understanding the nuances of Chinese history and culture. Their thoughts are: “China is not like us, refuses to be like us, so must be evil.”

They quote the human rights abuses of China but refuse to acknowledge that their country is not spotless either. Worse of all, they (their leaders and people!) dared to lecture the world on how to behave better when they alone couldn’t manage their countries or lock away the black ops bases. The lack of clarity, arrogance and hypocrisy drives me crazy!

So, I moved towards more pro-China content such as CGTN, and Youtube channels like Reports on China and Cyrus Jannsen. Watching CGTN was educational but quite disturbing because it was well, jingoistic at times. (Not unlike American patriotic flag-waving moments in movies and documentaries!)

Now, I appreciate the efforts of these pro-China Youtubers and what they’re trying to do, but they too, lack nuance. To be blunt, they’re viewing China through the lens of a privileged white expat, and try as they might – and even if they have Chinese spouses—they will never experience China the way ordinary Chinese people do.

Chinese people rarely tell foreigners the entire truth about their experiences. Fear of being labelled “anti-government” is probably one of them, but there’s also this “they won’t understand and I’m not going to bother telling them” thing that even we Malaysians have when Westerners speak glowingly about Malaysia and ask us if we liked our country or not. Most Chinese are also aware of anti-China sentiments in the West and would rather die (okay, probably an exaggeration but not far from the truth) than let their quote be a contributor to that.

So, I travelled closer to home and found a more comfortable middle ground in South-East Asian thought leaders and media outlets like Channel News Asia.

As I listen and read the works of South-East Asian diplomats like Kishore Mahbubani, George Yeo, and London-based economist Keyu Jin, I am a little relieved to find my thoughts reflected in theirs. Oh, phew, I’m not mad, or a despot, for thinking these thoughts. To quote Mastodonians: “I’m not a fascist!”

To my relief, these people do point out flaws in China: Its declining birth rate, autocratic tendencies which can impact innovation, and geopolitical mistakes of the past and present. And while pro-China enthusiasts trumpet China’s great economy, even now, Jin said that China’s economy is not great.

Personally, I think China’s form of governance is great only because they lucked out with their bunch of leaders. If they had a Putin or any despot in the seat of power, it’s not gonna be easy for anyone. But judging from China’s history: dynasties fall and rise, and this will be no different. Mandate of Heaven and all.

Basically, the philosophy underpinning the Mandate of Heaven is: The emperor is given the mandate to rule only if he serves the people well. If he doesn’t, his rule will be stopped (Heaven will take away the mandate and give it to someone new) — even if he has legitimate rights to rule. Heaven will give signs that this mandate is taken away via floods, instability etc. This is different from the European form of succession where it doesn’t matter what’s happening to the common people, but as long as the King has the right DNA, he has the right to rule. (Looks at the current British royal family with a raised eyebrow. Thank God they’re not actually ruling?)

While China is no longer imperial China, this philosophy is baked into the Chinese mind. So Chinese people have more agency than you think. (Another common talking point of Westerners: Chinese people are so oppressed they can’t even speak out against the government. They have not seen Chinese social media, and how heated debates can get!)

The fear of being pro-China

Yet, on a visceral level, I do wonder if I was turning pro-China. I do not want to be on the wrong side of history, so to speak, but is there even a right side in this discussion?

I often watch the people in my circle discuss China. It’ll probably surprise you to know that not all Chinese people have the same thoughts about China.

My more progressive, Western-leaning friends think China is evil and needs to be viewed with great suspicion. (And I find myself censoring myself for fear of being perceived as pro-China.) Then, I have friends that are so pro-China that any remark against China is met with a hiss. (And I just smile and hope they don’t drag me into this conversation.)

I watch this dynamics play out during the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Some of my Chinese colleagues, some who can’t even speak or read Chinese, were going, “China is the most awesome country in the world!”
And there was this one lone Chinese woman wearing a shirt condemning China for her human rights violations.

Even back then I refused to take sides because I knew China should be praised for her achievements in the Beijing Olympics, but her habit of detaining people without trial goes against my ethics.

So, if you’re wondering where I stand in the China debate, it’s somewhere in the middle, the hapless child between two battling parents, understanding both but knowing that intervening would mean a lot of trouble.

Yet, here I am, trying to give a more nuanced view about China. I’m mad, seriously. Like my mum said, there are better and mentally healthier things to be obsessed about!

And when I listen to South-East Asian thought leaders about China, I can’t help but wonder why my beliefs aligned with theirs almost perfectly. Is it because I’m a genius? (Hah!) Or is it because being a South-East Asian Chinese who lived the Chinese culture and yet, am exposed to Western thought all my life, I have formed a view that is unique to this part of the world? Am I just reading these people to confirm my bias??

I guess I’ll never know!

All I know is to claim that there’s a perfectly fair or “right” view of China is laughable. Our perceptions and interpretations of current events are all informed by our experiences, cultural upbringing and personalities.

So, am I pro-China or anti-China?

I am pro-peace. I support any geopolitical move or country that supports that.

That’s all.

Featured photo by biyunfei yang on Unsplash